You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
