Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
