I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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