So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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