walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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