I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
