I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
