wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
