Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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