I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
