either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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