she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
