Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
