you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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