Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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