I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
