Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
