Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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