Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
