I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
