So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
