I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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