Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
