how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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