you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
