Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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