Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
