my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
