Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
