i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am spending my child support on dildos
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
