I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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