I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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