How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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