I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
