a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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