What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
