oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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