They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
