ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
