K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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