I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
