Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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