Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
