so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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