I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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