I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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