if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
