she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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