My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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