He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
