having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
